day ten {faraway}

After a really bizarre and weird day yesterday- all I wanted to do was go to bed early and get a ton of sleep. Of course my brain had other plans for me and kept me up for hours on end- thinking, imagining, stressing, reflecting, more thinking.

I feel faraway from things I want and things I want to feel secure with. Sometimes I feel at ease knowing that I’m a work in progress- knowing that I’m slowly but surely getting toward reaching goals and creating a happier me. But sometimes I feel impatient- frustrated- and unsatisfied- I want what I want and I want it now. I’m making moves to ultimately be where I want to be in life, but knowing that it will be literally years before I reap the fruits of my labor and years before I feel more comfortable in my own skin and with my own self- it’s sometimes kind of defeating. It doesn’t make me want to quit or give up, but it definitely makes me want to sigh. audibly.

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i got up at one point and just sat on my balcony to try and just breathe for a second. The Washington Monument looking quite faraway indeed.

Of the bajillion things I was concerning myself with, of course food and my weight was one of them. As food anxiety tried to blanket my mind, I tried to remember where I was a couple years ago and how the lifestyle I lead now seemed so faraway. How losing weight, learning more about nutrition, and knowing how to exercise were practically foreign concepts. I used to lay in bed during my senior year at AU and wonder if what I was doing was making a difference in my life and if I actually was breaking habits, enacting positive changes, and getting to a healthier place. I had no idea. I just put my faith in what know how I had and the thoughtful decisions I was making.

Then, I also felt faraway from my future. Whatever that means. My thesis wasn’t finished yet. I still didn’t know “what I wanted to be when I grew up.” And I had no idea how I was going to provide for myself and make money.

So while I still feel sort of lost in today’s world, reminding myself of the doubts I’ve had and how those doubts proved to be silly ones and how I ended up solving all the dilemmas that seemed practically insolvable- made me feel better. I know I’m no fool. And I know I’m a hard worker. Everything in the past got worked out and figured out. Deep down I know that everything in the present and future will too.

And when I’m feeling extra down about how faraway some of the things I want in life are, I know I can escape to faraway places through food. No- I don’t mean like emotional eater style and drowning my sorrows in food. What I’m talking about is turning to cooking as a way to relieve stress and tension. Using my love of cooking to ease my mind and imagine life elsewhere just for an hour or so.

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These two pictures feature a recipe for: Easy Thai Chickpea Curry with Coconut Rice. My first time ever attempting making curry or any Thai/Indian inspired dish! It was divine. I mean it.
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And of course my love for mediterranean/sephardic style cooking hasn’t gone anywhere. I could eat these olives all day every day.

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I ended up using a recipe for a Warm Chickpea Salad with Garlic and Cumin as inspiration and making it my own. In addition to the olive oil, cumin, garlic, chickpeas, cucumber, parsley, lemon, and mint that the recipe called for- I added roasted eggplant, roasted tomatoes, olives, chicken, and feta cheese.

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Cooking has a way of reminding me that I’m not as faraway from everything as I sometimes think that I am. I just have to keep running full throttle toward where I want to be and what I want out of life.

Keep it wicked healthy xoxo

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2 thoughts on “day ten {faraway}

  1. Well my dear, through diligence and determination you are now faraway from the person you were two years ago and that is something to be proud of( not that I wasn’t proud of you two years ago too). Take a deep breath, just be the best you can be right now, and don’t sweat worrying about the future too much. It will all happen the way it’s supposed to. Love you!

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